Belly Buttons
When I was a kid, we compared belly buttons-are you an outie or an innie?
As an adult, I still try to pay attention to being an outie or an innie…but not related to my belly button.
Locus of Control
Julian B. Rotter, in his social learning theory of personality (1954), shared the term locus of control. Do you believe that you control your life (internal), or is your life controlled by external factors (external)?
Am I looking outside to other people to see if I am okay? Or am I looking inside?
I would love to say that after 20+ years of training in social and emotional intelligence and personal development, I consistently look inward, but I’d be lying.
I would have a hard time attending a big social event, like a wedding, and ignoring how I appear in others’ eyes.
Internal GPS
I don’t intend to stop looking outside; that feels like an impossible task, and looking outside carries value. But I can catch myself when I’m doing it, breathe, and orient to my internal GPS. I can ask myself: What are my values? Am I acting in alignment with them?
Most of us face the challenge of looking outside far more than inside. We are like bodybuilders with huge biceps and weak, noodly legs that can’t support our upper bodies.
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What did you pick to wear to wear today? Did you choose it because it delights you? Or because you think others will approve or because it hides imperfections you think you have in your body?
Where are you spending your time? Are you going places you think you should, or that fit your values and desires?
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Most of us live looking outside, but the more we can ask ourselves what is driving us, the bigger the crack or opening to discover what we really love or like.
Rotter, Julian B (1966). “Generalized expectancies for internal versus external control of reinforcement”. Psychological Monographs: General and Applied. 80 (1): 1–28. doi:10.1037/h0092976. PMID 5340840. S2CID 15355866.
