My back and leg hurt. I’m lucky because I have had almost zero back issues or challenges before the last few weeks. I tweaked my back and am experiencing the loud voice of the usually silent sciatic nerve. I have been to the doctor, am starting PT, and doing everything you should do in this situation. BUT IT HURTS.
I read that back pain and bulging discs remind us we need more support. Not surprisingly, one of my two themes for 2023 has been “learning to receive.”
DAMN. I have some significant blocks on this one that I didn’t anticipate.
Here is what I have figured out so far. When someone gives to me, I keep a silent tally. If someone does something for me, I silently create a hash mark on an invisible list next to their name to make sure I return the payment or even overpay them so I owe nothing.
And here’s the kicker. If I do something for someone else, I will be upset if they return the favor or do something in return. Why? I love the joyful feeling of giving. The joy is gone if I give someone my time, care, or attention, and they feel obligated to pay me back in return. The transformational act of giving becomes a transactional act of exchange.
Here are my best antidotes right now.
ANTIDOTE #1: Drop the tally.
Underneath the tally, I think I’m afraid I will be viewed as that person who is always taking, the mooch, the overly entitled one who isn’t sensitive to other people. The best gift I can give is my gratitude (and not over-gratitude, as I have done that when it wasn’t merited.)
ANTIDOTE #2: Have the courage to be vulnerable.
Receiving is WAY more intimate than giving. I have to open myself up, share my need, and expose my underbelly to someone who may have unfinished business about it. I have tried to protect myself and be strong by not receiving, but that is not strength; that is another form of fear. It takes real guts and courage to be vulnerable enough to receive. I may get hurt. I may upset someone, and that’s a risk I must take.
ANTIDOTE #3: Listen to my internal GPS.
I have been focusing (and coaching others) to radically tune into their own internal GPS. I have done that quite a bit in the last year and have experienced beautiful personal and professional successes beyond anything I had ever pictured. But not with my body. I still look too much to the outside or others for what I physically need at any moment, what I “should” be eating, and how I “should” be moving. That never leads to a satisfying outcome. So I’m choosing to walk the talk in the body category too.
(By the way, the internal GPS is one of the sections I’m facilitating at my women’s leadership workshop experience this fall in Chicago. If this one strikes a chord for you, please join.)
These are three significant stretches for me. I’m going for it. I’ll let you know how it goes. Please feel free to comment if you can relate or have had a journey in these areas.
