“Do you know that Joe is telling people that you aren’t working and are just sleeping around?”
A fresh college graduate in my first job out of school, a co-worker shared this short but gut-wrenching piece of information with me. Joe (the name has been changed to protect the guilty) did a lot more harm than that.
I discovered he spread many rumors about me. He also “forgot” to tell me the location and time for the upcoming visit from our regional VP.
Unfortunately, I quickly learned how harsh corporate America could be. I wasn’t mature enough to process this then, but I was feisty and pissed off.
I invited this young man to have a beer. I told him what I knew and informed him, in no uncertain terms, that if he continued this behavior, I would take him down.
You may read my response as bold and clear…a response of a young woman who knows herself and her value. But you’d be very, very wrong.
I felt insecure and incompetent. I was meeting goals but not killing it, and somehow, this instance reinforced my self-doubt.
That may have been my first rodeo, but it wasn’t my last.
On the one hand, I got an early education in how to stand up for myself. On the other hand, I thought this was how companies work, and I had to ignore bad behavior to succeed.
With a lot more experience under my belt, I make better distinctions.
We all do stupid stuff. I have done many stupid things in my career out of insecurity. I know now this guy was massively insecure. I am a feeler and an empathic person. But I think it is essential to separate the threads of the story.
- Did I get a good education out of my response to this situation? YES.
- Do you need to accept BS to be successful in your career? NO….Maybe…The jury is still out.
- Was what he did acceptable in any fashion? NO, NO, and NO.
- Because I can feel for him, does it mean it was okay? NO.
- Is it alright for me to feel FOR him while being pissed at him? YES, YES, and YES.
Raised Catholic, you learn to define the world as good and bad, right and wrong. My experiences keep teaching me that the world is far more nuanced and complex.
I wish for myself, and all of us, increasing wisdom, increasing ability to sit with the complexities of life, and increasing strength to make stands in the face of it all.
